These Days I Lead A Very Templar Hating Life

 

Since being home from university, my life has consisted of few things. These include (most but not everyday) job hunting, training, Ps3, deciding what food to eat in the evening, golf and cricket. Mixed in between go reading and TV watching. Yes, that's right it doesn't sound exciting and I can guarantee you it isn't. It was fun for all of 3 days, but everything gets old. Golf and Cricket becomes frustrating (18 bad holes Monday and a shit loss Wednesday), job hunting becomes unsuccessful and begins to get you down, and the others become boring once done to death. The main things that have kept me from getting to the point of writing this blog have been the ps3 game Assassins Creed: Brotherhood and the book "The Sword of the Templar's" by Paul Christopher. To be reading and playing Templar themed entertainments simultaneously came around by complete coincidence.

Now both items are written upon a certain layer of truth. The game was researched well and is based upon truth but then bends it a bit for the story. This made for a confusing but shocking end to the game. The book is based more upon truth and could feasibly be a true story as all events are real and don't delve into the realms of fantasy the creed games do. The book is not finished but already shows the Templar's to be evil, Nazi related catholic colluding nasty pieces of work.

The book and game are similar in that they both portray the Templar's to be deeply intertwined with the Roman Catholic Church. Now being a religion skeptic it's not very hard for me to hate the Templar's and by proxy the Catholics. The game is designed to make you hate them, and hate is a strong word and I'm not committing to it. I'm simply saying it'd be easy to hate them.

The game is enthralling, and no gamer I have spoken to has not enjoyed it. It takes plenty of time and the storyline running through it is superb. You feel like you become the assassin Ezio. Now Ezio is just a memory in the game from 15th century Italy , played through a simulator by a subject called Desmond. The more time in the simulator the more he becomes like Ezio. Desmond is a descendant of Ezio and is supposedly the true savior of the people. He is the chosen one to defeat the Templar's. The majority of the game is based in Rome and is realistic and believable as the story of the cerebral assassin Ezio. It takes a turn for the weird, like previous games, towards the end and this is where my mind exploded out of my ass.

The story uses religious mystery that strays away from reality. The assassin's of the past speak to Desmond in a hologram and advise him to make a decision that shocks every gamer who will have played this game, me included. It almost makes you feel sorry for the Templar's. Almost. Although I have rambled on about Templar hate and the very confusing story of a series of games (that I have tried and pretty much failed to cram into about 6 lines), the theme of this blog can be simplified. Theory's of ancient societies, be it Templar's, Assassins or The Masons interest me. They fascinate me, and I cannot get enough reading material on them. Stories breed strong feelings like hate and empathy and without them being a little based on truth they wouldn't be able to keep me interested and not depressed in my current life period. I am even tempted to buy the Assassins Creed books. Bet you can't wait for my rambling review on them...

The Most Important Time Of Day.... For Men

One of the stranger but greater things I learnt from my dad is the importance of knowing when to take a break from your day, and use the toilet. Yes, I am writing a blog about toilet time, which as most men out there know is the most important time of day. Toilet time is the only time in a day, when you can get away with doing what you want and have the perfect excuse. Now women or non-believers out there may think toilet time is limited but alas you are wrong. See the main thing I use it for is reading, to make damn sure I get through my books quickly, I always have a book close to the toilet in order to read whilst parked. You can also read the paper, do a sudoku, do the crossword or for the tech savvy you can use your laptop from the shitter. Twitter from the shitter, maybe I'll patent that one. (See that's four things there completely off the top of my head, take that non-believers).

Now we've established many things can be done during toilet time, I will go on to stress the importance of it. It is usually the only 20-30 minutes in a day (combined between or as one whole) that a man has peace, quiet and an excuse to do what he wants. In this day and age that is massively sought after. Peace and quiet is important to all men. We can ponder our thoughts over a good read, relieving any stress and all of this without having to provide any reason other than: I was on the toilet. The genius of toilet time is it's simplicity.

Lastly reader, I am not the only one who appreciates toilet time. My dad stressed it's importance to me and it wasn't until mature enough to appreciate it I realised so. Other esteemed colleagues of mine have shown a fondness of toilet time. Be it Steven Pettiford with his sometimes hilarious "Toilet Tweets" or Tim "Seppo" Macy who drafted his NFL fantasy team "Fried Stuff With Cheese" from the karsy. I'm sure there are many more out there who don't admit a liking for toilet time, and hopefully this article will show them that there are others who appreciate its genius.

P.s

Even slightly famous people appreciate toilet time as Sam Halpern is quoted in the book Shit My Dad Says “Son, you’re complaining to the wrong man. I can shit anywhere, at any time. It’s one of my finer qualities. Some might say my finest.”

My Gran Had Good Intentions, But Better Than She Thought

Having been filled with exams all that they bring, my life has been without books for a while (apart from those dreaded text books). Having not read since The Lost Symbol   I needed to get back into reading. My gran had suggested me a book before Easter and I had tossed it aside due to a) The Lost Symbol and b) lack of time to read in uni c) it was extra clutter I simply didn't need. Now my gran has suggested books to me before, including Playing For Pizza which turned out to be brilliant. It was a John Grisham book that was completely different to his usual law based crime thrillers. It was solely about American Football in Italy, and typically I loved it.

Before I continue, I feel I should tell you a little bit about my gran for those of you who don't know her or heard me talk about her. She is a 4ft 11 ex teacher who lived a quarter of her life in Hong Kong teaching the children of the British army contingent out there. She is well travelled and despite her old age still very sharp and intelligent. She is also completely pickled by gin and smokes at least ten cigarettes a day. How she is still going is beyond me, medical science and all dietitians anywhere, ever. But I love her and wouldn't change her for the world. She loves crime thriller books and buys them by the boatload as she has a passion for reading that far outshines mine. Perhaps where I got mine from, maybe it'll get deeper the older I get. Who knows?

Anyways, the book is called Accused and is written by this guy (--->) Mark Gimenez. He is a Texas born, Notre Dame educated lawyer turned author. Now upon further research thanks to the Internet, I have realised Accused is actually a sequel (I did wonder why they kept mentioning his previous case so much) and this is a bit of a shame because now we already know the outcome to what would I'm sure have been a good read. My gran suggested the book to me, due to it's gruesome murder, exciting plot line and interesting read. Unknowingly to her, it was a better book fit for me than I expected. The book is about the murder of a golf pro which would've done me just fine but also the main character is a poor mans lawyer named Scott Fenney, who is highly intelligent and skilled. He starred at football as a running back at SMU but never made the pro's so used his intelligence to study law. The book details his defence of his ex-wife who is accused of the murder of the man she left Scott for. Owing a duty to his daughter, he seeks to prove his wife innocent. The book leaves plenty of red herrings but the answer that solves the case is highlighted a little bit too much for my liking. This allowed me to spot it earlier than I should have. Though the twist that comes towards the end is completely unexpected and makes the book all the better.

After a slow start, I piled into this book and finished it in 4 days, reading the final 200 pages this morning as I couldn't put it down. I really enjoyed reading it, and I'm hoping it starts another spell of frantic book reading for me. If it does, I will run out of books before the summer's end. My dads collection of books will take a hammering over the next few weeks. My gran may like her 3 gin's and multiple fags a day but she can't half pick a book!

You Learn Something New Every Day...

Blogging today is filled with nostalgia as having spent an afternoon around my step sister Katie (aged 7), it instantly brought me back to my younger years. Having watched how she is, it reminds me of how I and almost every child out there is/was like. All kids look up to someone, and want to copy everything they do, from eating the same way off the same table to drinking the exact same drink. They also have a massive list of wants and most sentences begin "can i have?". Most questions get answered with "no" or "noooooahh" in typically stubborn fashion. I was no different, my dad kindly takes time out of every visit to mention how I was exactly the same when that age, and come to think of it, I remember being like it too.

I always had wants, and money whatever little I got would always burn a hole in my pocket. I could never save for something substantial and would only be able to get things worth substantial money (to a 9 year old) on birthdays or at Christmas. This tendency to spend money has thankfully waned with age, but as a youngster it was prominent. It (along with my dads love for the game) is to blame for my love of American football. When given a tenner, instead of saving to buy a new PlayStation game, I chose to buy Madden 92 for the Sega Megadrive. Wanting to emulate my then hero that was my old man, I purchased a 7 year old game just to try to capture his love for the sport of football.

Every Christmas and birthday like every could I would watch endless adverts in between TV shows, and come back to my parents with a massive list of things to get me. Now sometimes I would get what I requested if it was deemed sensible enough i.e a bike, my first cricket bat, action man toys, books etc. Mostly though my requests were not and luckily I would either give up asking or just not be given it. One of those I missed out on, was the board game Mouse Trap. Always advertised, and still going today it looked exciting and a board game I would enjoy more than the classics of Cluedo and Monopoly. Today provided me with justification of my parents choices as well as a pang of gladness that I never persisted with certain idea's as a child. I had to play the aforementioned "game" and if it had not been for a film starting I would still be there now. There is no structure to it, all you do is take it in turns to move around the board. If you land on certain squares you get to set off a ball bearing which randomly hits a trap on the board. If the trap gets you you loose a slice of your cheese, if it doesn't or gets an opponent you gain a slice of cheese. First to get a full round of cheese wins. There's 8 slices and 20 squares. Only 3 traps. If you do the maths, it takes forever and a day to complete a game. Goddamn was it boring, even the 7 year old had enough. No substance to a "game" that is successful simply by misleading kids and parents around the world. It's the only explanation for how it could still be around. Fancy tricks and adverts don't show the traps not working or being a pain in the you know what to set up.

So I dodged a bullet on that one, even if I didn't realise it at the time. I got more enjoyment out of that gnarly copy of Madden 92 than I would ever have got from the more expensive Mousetrap or new PlayStation game. It captured a love for a game I finally achieved my dream of playing two years ago. I can still see Jerry Rice running that streak untouched every single offensive play. Mousetrap is like many other childhood wants - overrated. Often the cheapest and simplest things are best for you.

As the old adage in the title says.

When Will It End? I'm Not Fussed Really...

The NFL lockout, billed as any American football supporters worst enemy for 20 years (or for some since Tim Tebow became a pro or Brett Favre when he unretired... again), is still far from being resolved. Teams are already cancelling mini-camps and other OTA's and many fear the season will either start late or not at all. I love the NFL, nothing I like better than seeing Ray Rice Running for the Ravens from Rutgers, or Ray Lewis pasting somebody into the ground as my Ravens win but the lockout will not be the end of the world for me. Don't get me wrong, I will miss the NFL but not as much as you'd think and neither should you. Leave the uncaring owners of NFL teams who'll get paid anyway and turn your attention to the NCAA. College football is believed to be better than the NFL. It's more exciting, provides more games, has more tradition and is more heavily supported than the NFL.

By watching college football, you'll see varying schemes from the triple option to the no huddle spread to the power I to Oregon's shotgun triple option no huddle spread. There's no playoffs, but there's the bowl season which is just as exciting. You will learn more and enjoy the game more by watching college football. Which many believe is the game in its purest form due to the lack of payed players...

There will be a hole on my Sunday nights where the NFL will usually be should the lockout continue. I'm not worried about this one bit. The lockout will just allow me to watch taped college games that I have missed. My level of football watched won't drop, it just won't be as varied. Watching the "student athletes" play will be just as enjoyable as the NFL. So follow my lead, say balls to the lockout, not worry about it and appreciate the college football system in all it's glory. I guarantee you'll be hooked and will be following a college that until now you will not have heard of. And if you don't agree well I hope you enjoy playing Madden 12 - Negotiations with Roger Goodell. Sounds like it'll be just as good as the star wars remake in The Simpsons.

Unpacking - It's Like Tetris For Cool People...

So I'm writing this to serve as a distraction from unpacking all my worldly possessions that today have travelled back to Llanelli. My room in university is a bit like me: short, wide and oddly shaped. My room at home is also a bit like me: square. The difference being at home, my room is bigger, filled with a double bed and a distinct lack of storage for clothes. At Uni my room has a chest of drawers, an empty wardrobe and a bit of floor space. It's a "cosy" room but I make it work and I enjoy living in it. My room at home is nearly twice as big but contains a wardrobe full of my one year moved out sister's clothes, a two seat sofa and a load of household crap stuffed in a corner, but no chest of drawers whatsoever. So at this current moment in time I am puzzled as to where I can put my clothes so they at least look tidy and clean before the inevitable happens and I start to hang them up on the floor. Any helpful idea's would be greatly appreciated.

I've resorted to finding room for the important things in my life: ps3, TV, laptop, books and sports equipment. After that it's a free for all for space. It's not like I need clean clothes, walking around in just my pants won't upset anyone? right? Trying to push every little bit of stuff into a corner so that walking space can be achieved is frustrating, especially when all that's really left is three bags of clothes. So here's hoping I come up with a plan, because it is starting to annoy me. Writing this blog has not brought inspiration so I am hoping whoever reads this can. Moral of the story being that unpacking is unequivocally lame and no matter how much you try to repackage it, or picture yourself as Homer in the Simpson's, it is nowhere near as fun as tetris.

Cut Blocks and Distractions: The end to Thunder, Beer, Pussy etc

Cut Block: Noun, Definition: A block aimed at or below an opponents knees.

The Cut Block, some lineman's best friend, other's worst enemy. Seen by many as an act of cowardice and surrender to your opponents greater skill or strength. Be it on the field, or in life they will lead to bad feeling in a local radius. Only acceptable when done to topple your housemates around blind corners.

Another year of university done. That makes two whole years of my life spent in Aberystwyth. This year has flown, probably due to me not once wanting it to end. Inevitably it had to happen, and people gradually packed up and left. Now I'm packing, and if I'm honest it feels like time to go home. (For those of you that know me at all, you'll know this is huge as I usually dislike being home). So with my bags piling up in Steve's recently cleared, surprisingly tidy and nice smelling room (----->)I sit down to write about the year gone by.

Reflections on this year.. hmmm in short its been great, but that doesn't mean it hasn't come with it's bad moments. Before further expansion I'm just going to list the good and bad things about this year. Here goes:

Good: Thunder, Beer, Pussy, Chicken, Gateau, Sleep, Kick Return, Mexican, Mohawk, BEAR, D-captaincy,  THE Jack, Madden, NCAA, Bcs National Championship, Das Experiment, Wrestlemania, Old Boys , Top Flight Cricket, Lucy, 16 Prospect Street and all it's visitors, Tiger Woods, Golf, Fancy Dress and Working Out.

Bad: Losing Season, Hard Work not Being Rewarded, Friends not Getting a Deserved Send Off, Joint Socials, Revision, Lecturers, Bitches being Bitches, Packing, Phil not Finishing Friday Night Lights, 70% of Socials, Weather and People Leaving.

The good has been very good. Thunder, beer, pussy kicked it all off and from there it escalated. College football Saturday's were amazing, as were early socials when people still made an effort. The majority of this list speaks for itself. Das Experiment was perhaps my favourite night out of the year. The good bits couldn't have been attained had it not been for 16 Prospect Street and its distinguished set of visitors from #85, #59, #4 and #3 to Roofio. To expand fully on this list would take a while and a lot of blog space, so if you weren't involved... waaaaaaaaah.

The bad needs to be mentioned, such high hopes for this year, and an amazing start tailed off to a bad end. Piled with stress of revision, I saw but barely noticed the hardships of my friends. People left without the bang they should've gone out with, nights out were missed and until the last month Steve barely lived here. People went out of their way to spoil things and cause harm, showing how small a place Aber is. I love it, but I'm beginning to outgrow it.

A year that begun with such promise of chicken, gateau and sleep ends with cut blocking and distractions. Fun that it is running around the house distracting everyone, or always being around a corner waiting to scare it has come to an end. Second year of Uni, a year that started so well and ended in a bad way because shit people were awful. Just like lineman when they Cut Block.