Golf Can Be A Nasty Mistress... Kinda Like A Smart Hooker With The Clap

Golf is possibly the most fickle sport I play. Cricket is close, but it doesn't quite have the sheer annoyance that golf brings. I love playing both sports but they both bring me great euphoria and great disappointment. Unfortunately for me it's usually the latter. Both can be up and down, and are tough to find form in. Once you have form, its equally as tough to keep it. Where golf differs, is that there is nobody else to blame for your form and the outcome of your game, it is all down to you.

The aspiring golfer that I am, I have never had a lesson, and merely coach myself as best as possible. Only this year I have been able to purchase a set of clubs that are a) younger than me b) forgiving to use. Before I had a set of cast iron blades that would give me one good shot in 30. Still I can  hit a ball quite a long way when I connect and have been known to be quite deadly with the putter. (Truth is I need to be, my putter usually saves me from my horrific short game).

When all is said and done, golf has to be the most frustrating sport known to man. You can go from hitting the dream drive of your life, only to ruin the hole with the next couple of approach shots. Take today for an example, I played Earlswood Golf Course for the second time in 5 weeks with my Dad. It is peculiar how one shot can set you off on a good/bad run. I chipped in from the fringe today to card a 6 on a par 5, and that led me to a nice approach and a par on the following par three. The hole after I made a cawlach of my tee shot and ended up taking an 8. Told you it was weird. Last time out we shot quite poor totals of 121 for him and 116 for me. This time he improved by 15 shots whilst I struggled, having an absolute stinker. The funniest bit of it all was that I finished with 115, which for the mathematically retarded of you out there is one shot better than the previous time. I was baffled, as the original round I was pleased with how I'd played.

That is the weird thing with golf, it takes you by surprise and you never know how things can turn out. Your only ever one shot away from a great birdie or smashing it into the nearest hedge/water hazard/nasty bunker. It is fickle, but the challenge and unpredictability of it is what keeps you interested. It is a challenge I love. It is a challenge I will endeavour to continue until I can become a competent golfer that rarely embarrasses himself. Try golf out, no matter what the ability it is a tricky but rewarding mistress. It'll break your heart and wind you up but it'll keep you married and won't give you anything itchy. Now I'm off to watch The Open to see how its done properly, and so should you.

It's Funny How Things Change

I like to start every blog post with some humour, and because it's me and I usually can't think of  anything witty to say, I choose humorous cartoons or pictures. This family guy one is no exception, the show is a goldmine for comedy filled stills and gifs. This one really made me giggle as it shows change in an appropriate way to what I'm about to write about. It shows how the shows characters have changed over the years and how the writers have changed how they are perceived and act in the show. The worst part is, if most of you are completely honest, you wouldn't have noticed massive changes in the characters. But they are there and this image sums it up. Funny that, change. It kinda creeps up on you.

When I started writing this blog, I had a lot of things on my mind. Writing a blog seemed like the best way to get them out and to be heard. It has been fairly good, even if my writing needs work. The main reason for starting was because of the plethora of things I had to write about or felt I could write interesting pieces about. I started this blog just before Easter, and have been endeavouring to post regularly and interestingly. Endeavouring does not mean succeeding. At that time, I was busy socially, sporting and academically and had so much to write about I made sure I blogged regularly enough. I didn't always have the time to fit it into schedule.

The change has come post exams, once I have returned home to the wonderful hallowed town of Llanelli. (Sarcasm in parts but not as much as you think.) My life exists of breakfast,gym,lunch,job hunting, house, ps3, running and reading. These are all activities I quite enjoy apart from job hunting, but they aren't very exciting. This leads me to have loads of free time to do what I want. Blogging is high on the list, but the lack of excitement in my current lift means I have little to write about. Talk about catch 22 right? Not quite as harsh as the tale of Yossarian but essentially to find things to write about I have to take away the free time that would allow me to blog. Like I said before, change is weird.

On a passing note, if you've seen any of my tweets or status's lately you'll know I've been raving about and watching a lot of House. I will eventually shut up, but it is a genius of a program, a superbly played character and one of few TV shows that actually makes me think and become sharper. It's odd. Maybe I have a very similar sense of humour to the writer. Jesus, has that changed in me too?

These Days I Lead A Very Templar Hating Life

 

Since being home from university, my life has consisted of few things. These include (most but not everyday) job hunting, training, Ps3, deciding what food to eat in the evening, golf and cricket. Mixed in between go reading and TV watching. Yes, that's right it doesn't sound exciting and I can guarantee you it isn't. It was fun for all of 3 days, but everything gets old. Golf and Cricket becomes frustrating (18 bad holes Monday and a shit loss Wednesday), job hunting becomes unsuccessful and begins to get you down, and the others become boring once done to death. The main things that have kept me from getting to the point of writing this blog have been the ps3 game Assassins Creed: Brotherhood and the book "The Sword of the Templar's" by Paul Christopher. To be reading and playing Templar themed entertainments simultaneously came around by complete coincidence.

Now both items are written upon a certain layer of truth. The game was researched well and is based upon truth but then bends it a bit for the story. This made for a confusing but shocking end to the game. The book is based more upon truth and could feasibly be a true story as all events are real and don't delve into the realms of fantasy the creed games do. The book is not finished but already shows the Templar's to be evil, Nazi related catholic colluding nasty pieces of work.

The book and game are similar in that they both portray the Templar's to be deeply intertwined with the Roman Catholic Church. Now being a religion skeptic it's not very hard for me to hate the Templar's and by proxy the Catholics. The game is designed to make you hate them, and hate is a strong word and I'm not committing to it. I'm simply saying it'd be easy to hate them.

The game is enthralling, and no gamer I have spoken to has not enjoyed it. It takes plenty of time and the storyline running through it is superb. You feel like you become the assassin Ezio. Now Ezio is just a memory in the game from 15th century Italy , played through a simulator by a subject called Desmond. The more time in the simulator the more he becomes like Ezio. Desmond is a descendant of Ezio and is supposedly the true savior of the people. He is the chosen one to defeat the Templar's. The majority of the game is based in Rome and is realistic and believable as the story of the cerebral assassin Ezio. It takes a turn for the weird, like previous games, towards the end and this is where my mind exploded out of my ass.

The story uses religious mystery that strays away from reality. The assassin's of the past speak to Desmond in a hologram and advise him to make a decision that shocks every gamer who will have played this game, me included. It almost makes you feel sorry for the Templar's. Almost. Although I have rambled on about Templar hate and the very confusing story of a series of games (that I have tried and pretty much failed to cram into about 6 lines), the theme of this blog can be simplified. Theory's of ancient societies, be it Templar's, Assassins or The Masons interest me. They fascinate me, and I cannot get enough reading material on them. Stories breed strong feelings like hate and empathy and without them being a little based on truth they wouldn't be able to keep me interested and not depressed in my current life period. I am even tempted to buy the Assassins Creed books. Bet you can't wait for my rambling review on them...

The Most Important Time Of Day.... For Men

One of the stranger but greater things I learnt from my dad is the importance of knowing when to take a break from your day, and use the toilet. Yes, I am writing a blog about toilet time, which as most men out there know is the most important time of day. Toilet time is the only time in a day, when you can get away with doing what you want and have the perfect excuse. Now women or non-believers out there may think toilet time is limited but alas you are wrong. See the main thing I use it for is reading, to make damn sure I get through my books quickly, I always have a book close to the toilet in order to read whilst parked. You can also read the paper, do a sudoku, do the crossword or for the tech savvy you can use your laptop from the shitter. Twitter from the shitter, maybe I'll patent that one. (See that's four things there completely off the top of my head, take that non-believers).

Now we've established many things can be done during toilet time, I will go on to stress the importance of it. It is usually the only 20-30 minutes in a day (combined between or as one whole) that a man has peace, quiet and an excuse to do what he wants. In this day and age that is massively sought after. Peace and quiet is important to all men. We can ponder our thoughts over a good read, relieving any stress and all of this without having to provide any reason other than: I was on the toilet. The genius of toilet time is it's simplicity.

Lastly reader, I am not the only one who appreciates toilet time. My dad stressed it's importance to me and it wasn't until mature enough to appreciate it I realised so. Other esteemed colleagues of mine have shown a fondness of toilet time. Be it Steven Pettiford with his sometimes hilarious "Toilet Tweets" or Tim "Seppo" Macy who drafted his NFL fantasy team "Fried Stuff With Cheese" from the karsy. I'm sure there are many more out there who don't admit a liking for toilet time, and hopefully this article will show them that there are others who appreciate its genius.

P.s

Even slightly famous people appreciate toilet time as Sam Halpern is quoted in the book Shit My Dad Says “Son, you’re complaining to the wrong man. I can shit anywhere, at any time. It’s one of my finer qualities. Some might say my finest.”

My Gran Had Good Intentions, But Better Than She Thought

Having been filled with exams all that they bring, my life has been without books for a while (apart from those dreaded text books). Having not read since The Lost Symbol   I needed to get back into reading. My gran had suggested me a book before Easter and I had tossed it aside due to a) The Lost Symbol and b) lack of time to read in uni c) it was extra clutter I simply didn't need. Now my gran has suggested books to me before, including Playing For Pizza which turned out to be brilliant. It was a John Grisham book that was completely different to his usual law based crime thrillers. It was solely about American Football in Italy, and typically I loved it.

Before I continue, I feel I should tell you a little bit about my gran for those of you who don't know her or heard me talk about her. She is a 4ft 11 ex teacher who lived a quarter of her life in Hong Kong teaching the children of the British army contingent out there. She is well travelled and despite her old age still very sharp and intelligent. She is also completely pickled by gin and smokes at least ten cigarettes a day. How she is still going is beyond me, medical science and all dietitians anywhere, ever. But I love her and wouldn't change her for the world. She loves crime thriller books and buys them by the boatload as she has a passion for reading that far outshines mine. Perhaps where I got mine from, maybe it'll get deeper the older I get. Who knows?

Anyways, the book is called Accused and is written by this guy (--->) Mark Gimenez. He is a Texas born, Notre Dame educated lawyer turned author. Now upon further research thanks to the Internet, I have realised Accused is actually a sequel (I did wonder why they kept mentioning his previous case so much) and this is a bit of a shame because now we already know the outcome to what would I'm sure have been a good read. My gran suggested the book to me, due to it's gruesome murder, exciting plot line and interesting read. Unknowingly to her, it was a better book fit for me than I expected. The book is about the murder of a golf pro which would've done me just fine but also the main character is a poor mans lawyer named Scott Fenney, who is highly intelligent and skilled. He starred at football as a running back at SMU but never made the pro's so used his intelligence to study law. The book details his defence of his ex-wife who is accused of the murder of the man she left Scott for. Owing a duty to his daughter, he seeks to prove his wife innocent. The book leaves plenty of red herrings but the answer that solves the case is highlighted a little bit too much for my liking. This allowed me to spot it earlier than I should have. Though the twist that comes towards the end is completely unexpected and makes the book all the better.

After a slow start, I piled into this book and finished it in 4 days, reading the final 200 pages this morning as I couldn't put it down. I really enjoyed reading it, and I'm hoping it starts another spell of frantic book reading for me. If it does, I will run out of books before the summer's end. My dads collection of books will take a hammering over the next few weeks. My gran may like her 3 gin's and multiple fags a day but she can't half pick a book!

You Learn Something New Every Day...

Blogging today is filled with nostalgia as having spent an afternoon around my step sister Katie (aged 7), it instantly brought me back to my younger years. Having watched how she is, it reminds me of how I and almost every child out there is/was like. All kids look up to someone, and want to copy everything they do, from eating the same way off the same table to drinking the exact same drink. They also have a massive list of wants and most sentences begin "can i have?". Most questions get answered with "no" or "noooooahh" in typically stubborn fashion. I was no different, my dad kindly takes time out of every visit to mention how I was exactly the same when that age, and come to think of it, I remember being like it too.

I always had wants, and money whatever little I got would always burn a hole in my pocket. I could never save for something substantial and would only be able to get things worth substantial money (to a 9 year old) on birthdays or at Christmas. This tendency to spend money has thankfully waned with age, but as a youngster it was prominent. It (along with my dads love for the game) is to blame for my love of American football. When given a tenner, instead of saving to buy a new PlayStation game, I chose to buy Madden 92 for the Sega Megadrive. Wanting to emulate my then hero that was my old man, I purchased a 7 year old game just to try to capture his love for the sport of football.

Every Christmas and birthday like every could I would watch endless adverts in between TV shows, and come back to my parents with a massive list of things to get me. Now sometimes I would get what I requested if it was deemed sensible enough i.e a bike, my first cricket bat, action man toys, books etc. Mostly though my requests were not and luckily I would either give up asking or just not be given it. One of those I missed out on, was the board game Mouse Trap. Always advertised, and still going today it looked exciting and a board game I would enjoy more than the classics of Cluedo and Monopoly. Today provided me with justification of my parents choices as well as a pang of gladness that I never persisted with certain idea's as a child. I had to play the aforementioned "game" and if it had not been for a film starting I would still be there now. There is no structure to it, all you do is take it in turns to move around the board. If you land on certain squares you get to set off a ball bearing which randomly hits a trap on the board. If the trap gets you you loose a slice of your cheese, if it doesn't or gets an opponent you gain a slice of cheese. First to get a full round of cheese wins. There's 8 slices and 20 squares. Only 3 traps. If you do the maths, it takes forever and a day to complete a game. Goddamn was it boring, even the 7 year old had enough. No substance to a "game" that is successful simply by misleading kids and parents around the world. It's the only explanation for how it could still be around. Fancy tricks and adverts don't show the traps not working or being a pain in the you know what to set up.

So I dodged a bullet on that one, even if I didn't realise it at the time. I got more enjoyment out of that gnarly copy of Madden 92 than I would ever have got from the more expensive Mousetrap or new PlayStation game. It captured a love for a game I finally achieved my dream of playing two years ago. I can still see Jerry Rice running that streak untouched every single offensive play. Mousetrap is like many other childhood wants - overrated. Often the cheapest and simplest things are best for you.

As the old adage in the title says.

When Will It End? I'm Not Fussed Really...

The NFL lockout, billed as any American football supporters worst enemy for 20 years (or for some since Tim Tebow became a pro or Brett Favre when he unretired... again), is still far from being resolved. Teams are already cancelling mini-camps and other OTA's and many fear the season will either start late or not at all. I love the NFL, nothing I like better than seeing Ray Rice Running for the Ravens from Rutgers, or Ray Lewis pasting somebody into the ground as my Ravens win but the lockout will not be the end of the world for me. Don't get me wrong, I will miss the NFL but not as much as you'd think and neither should you. Leave the uncaring owners of NFL teams who'll get paid anyway and turn your attention to the NCAA. College football is believed to be better than the NFL. It's more exciting, provides more games, has more tradition and is more heavily supported than the NFL.

By watching college football, you'll see varying schemes from the triple option to the no huddle spread to the power I to Oregon's shotgun triple option no huddle spread. There's no playoffs, but there's the bowl season which is just as exciting. You will learn more and enjoy the game more by watching college football. Which many believe is the game in its purest form due to the lack of payed players...

There will be a hole on my Sunday nights where the NFL will usually be should the lockout continue. I'm not worried about this one bit. The lockout will just allow me to watch taped college games that I have missed. My level of football watched won't drop, it just won't be as varied. Watching the "student athletes" play will be just as enjoyable as the NFL. So follow my lead, say balls to the lockout, not worry about it and appreciate the college football system in all it's glory. I guarantee you'll be hooked and will be following a college that until now you will not have heard of. And if you don't agree well I hope you enjoy playing Madden 12 - Negotiations with Roger Goodell. Sounds like it'll be just as good as the star wars remake in The Simpsons.